The Awakening of the 50 Plus Women
What were my instincts telling me? The 4 F’s of the instinctual reaction has the 5th reactive response that comes when a middle-aged woman wakes up to realize she has exhausted everything within herself, trying to be the everything in everyone’s life.
She is tired of trying to make up for the so-called wrong doings of the younger version of herself. She stops wondering if she is beautiful and has stopped taking side glances with judgmental thoughts of being slim enough or attractive enough for the partner who is silent and unwilling to communicate their own fears. The neglect we take on as our own and it has been too many years that there had been something about me. All the while knowing that was the farthest from the truth, but there was a pleaser and fixer who was looking back in those moments.
One day she woke up. Looked in the mirror and started to ask herself some powerful questions. Then came the response that’s not the complexity of doubts and fears but a knowing and the response is so real. She has been practicing this response under her breath for years. This time it came with the power it needed to come all the way back to her heart.
It’s the fifty plus years of being the strong one, the reliable one, the dependable one, and not once did anyone besides maybe a few of her soul sisters ask, if she needed anything.
The rest of those around may wonder why she was tired, why she complained and was frustrated. Those few in the tribe get it as they walk the same path. The years of fight, flight, freezing and fawning her way through gets hit with an emotional blocker called feeling the divine love and the new “F” response is born. It does not discount the rest or downplay the severity, those she had known too well or else she would have said more yeses to her needs, nor would she have taken such responsibility for everything. She finally sees that compassion she has for everyone else must also come back to her as well. With clarity she sees the value in giving herself the rest, the hug, and the permission to not have to be something or someone for more than just one day!
This “F” is called, “Fuck.” It is then followed by fuck this, fuck it, fuck that and fucking goodbye to the old ways! The “I am done” statement she has said a million times comes to life with a power and a conviction.
It has the appearance of crazy to those around her and many will say, “Well that’s out of character for her.” But is it? How would they know? They knew her by the roles she played and purposes she served but they never knew her, she just let them all believe their own story. She knew who she was, and she was the one that would say to her heart someday but in the meantime, she lived blending happiness and sadness, settling for a little sparkle of hope.
Then the day arrives when the body shakes, the tears fall, and she can no longer hide. Instinctively the vibrational energy gives the same feeling and word of when she hits her big toe and this pain is fucking real and it’s one big, “Fuck!” The volcano has erupted and there just is simply no going back. She is the woman who has connected to her soul, and she don’t really give a fuck if her energy is making you feel good or if she no longer jumps to everyone’s whims. She is now giving some of the best of her and her gifts to herself and she learned from the best from those who never carried to notice if she was sad, hurting or if she needed something a little extra like a little bit of love. She learned if they don’t feel guilty for choosing themselves than why the fuck has she!
So yes, the 5th is Fuck-it and five is transformation!
Fifty is the number linked to the time when we seek freedom, spiritual wisdom, and allow ourselves to surrender into the hands of God (whatever that means to you) and allow the woman to become. She learned from some of the best of how to be a priority and this is the moment when life begins to change!
You are not crazy, you are releasing. Fifty for myself has been the death of the woman I will never be again. The year in between fifty to fifty-one has been the pause with so many reflections of pain to push me out of the old and into a new life. Moments before writing this blog I was the crazy woman who had fawned my way through a conversation where I thought I needed to say so much, but no I needed to let the last few years of emotions and stories go. Taking a velcro hanger, which has a story of its own in each hand I beat the living shit out of the hangers and pieces went flying everywhere, until I fell to the ground and just cried. I was not sad I was just so fucking angry that I had denied myself this beautiful relationship with a woman that so many others had gotten to learn and grow with but when it came to spending time with the beautiful gifted and brilliant woman myself, I would hang her in the closet waiting for it to be time for this beautiful light of mine to shine again for everyone else. It just was the moment when it all became like a final Big Bang, and as crazy as it was the anger became joy and some laughter. Life can be so simple but emotions that become stories sure can complicate life.
The journey forward is into the unknown and this is the place I can say, “Fuck I am afraid” and all the thoughts and responses are triggering the want and desire to react. But this time I am aware that this pain needed love, and a whole lot of humour to sparkle the sense of joy that I know through the experiences truly does fill my heart. The rest is in the hands of God but I am listening this time and sitting with this amazing woman, enjoying her company and wisdom who has learned she will not impulsively react or neglect herself. The truths she knows by pleasing and smoothing over the lies. This “F” gives time to be sure of a healthy action, reaction, the correct kind of love and relationships that are not created with the shadow leading the way.
Most of all now knowing this was one way of showing where the triggers are always God’s way of sending love back our way in protection, strength, or a voice. This time, I could clearly see this “F” was saying, A big fucking yes to making this part of the journey. The time I use what God has given me to live the life that has no regrets, guilt, shame, or self-prosecution for living my own personal joy! It’s a time when you are grateful for those you love and the experience, grateful you can see the value you bring to the table, and now you actually start to sit and eat at the same time, because you matter!
50 turns us around and triggers a response that says, “It’s our fucking time!” I say it with such soft love and not a harshness. The energy you give to the words will be how your emotions are triggering a response. Remember that’s the place we catch ourselves in the rise or the fall. Be light, gentle, and kind with the words because dense and heavy will leave you unable to fly.
Now she shall More Than Exist!
Corrie Thorne is an Intuitive/ Medium, Spiritual Teacher and Empowerment / Lightworker Coach. A published author, and creator of The More Than Existing™ book & self-actualization coaching program who has developed her own relaxed style of helping people discover and move beyond the past history in life that is not serving their highest good.
She uses her skills as a past life healer to guide clients into a meditative state to explore the past and cut the cords to the events that have come forward to now. Corrie is also a Reiki Master/ Teacher who has used this technique to help promote self-healing and clear the chakras. Teaching is a passion that Corrie loves to do! She takes the opportunity to teach as a way to share the knowledge that she has accumulated over the many years of studying and developing her skills. Explore more of Corrie’s work and passion @ https://mteacademy.teachable.com/, and https://www.corriethorne.com/. More Than existing is available for purchase through amazon.ca, amazon.com, balboa Press, and Barnes&Noble.